Indifference. It’s an interesting feeling to have. To be unmoved or unbothered. To not care. There have been times in my life where being indifferent was a good thing. It helped me to remain unattached to certain people or things, and remain focused on what needed my attention the most.
However, there have been times where being indifferent was the wrong feeling. Where something I should feel deeply and passionately about, didn’t move me quite the same. Have you ever found yourself in a place where things that used to bring excitement, you couldn’t care less about? Did it sadden you? Make you feel weird? Or numb?
Numb. That’s exactly how I would describe the way I felt in about a year ago. Indifference was creeping into my heart and affecting the things I believed in. I was overwhelmed by people. situations, expectations, and goals to the point I became numb. The scariest moment of all was when it began to affect my faith.
And my faith is something I never want to feel indifferent about.
But I couldn’t bring myself to care. That sounds really awful doesn’t it? I couldn’t bring myself to do the things that I used to do. Things I used to do with joy and excitement. Everything felt hard. Everything felt like work. It was easier to not care. To grow cold. To become indifferent.
Because caring took so much effort. Devotion took effort. Worship sessions took effort. Going to church took effort. Praying took effort. And after spending so much effort on the demands of work, of relationships. I felt as if I had no more effort to give.
What I slowly realized was that I had lost sight. I had taken my eyes off. I had no longer chosen to push forward. Remember Peter? The moment he took his eyes off of Jesus he began to sink? I was sinking.
Looking back now, I see that for a moment I forgot who I was serving. I lost my wonder, my reverence, my adoration. And it shocked me. How could I?
How do you lose sight of The One who holds the stars? who knows the number of hairs we each have on our head? The One who spoke our world, our universe, into existence? The One who performed and still performs miracles big and small?
The One who heals sickness? parts waters? The One who answers prayers and protects us from evil? The One who gives us grace that follows us and renews our mercies every single day?
The One who died for me? Who loves me freely, unconditionally, recklessly? How could I have every become indifferent to such a power? A power I’ve experienced and known too well.
Be careful of who you let in your ear. Be careful of who and what you let in your heart. Be careful to not let your circumstances blind you from seeing your God, The God.
I find myself in a much better place today, and I wake up everyday grateful, inspired, and passionate about the God I love and servc. My prayer is that we may never lose our wonder. May we always be in awe of Him.
“Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, and offer to God pleasing service and acceptable worship with reverence and awe;”
Hebrews 12:28 AMP
